Gay Ole Times: The Chocolate Aspie's Adventures Of Romance And His Regrets, Part Two

In April of 2012, I was back on A4A once again chatting with a man about 15 years my senior. We had great conversations, but I had my own personal dilemmas going on that made me apprehensive about going forward with him. I even chose to renounce my homosexuality and anything sexual, mainly because I was experiencing homophobia from certain individuals that I love (For example, my paternal grandmother said that I was going to Hell for being gay). At that time, I felt that people would like me better and fully accept me if I weren't gay. After wrestling with my feelings, I decided that I was ready to meet him. After taking me on my first date and hooking up with him at his parents' home with them inside, the connection immediately fell apart (Mom actually called him and told him to never call me again when she found out we engaged in sexual activity in his parents' house with them there). After that mishap, I decided to delete my A4A account indefinitely. Never again would I rely on an online dating site. Months later in October, I met a man on Facebook 22 years my senior. Though he lived in College Park, GA, he was in New York City at the time helping a friend move. It was also the same time that Hurricane Sandy came ashore on the East Coast, so my new "friend" was stranded there. Once he came back to Georgia, we met and engaged in intimate activity. At first, the connection was going fine, but then in the following year, I realized I was made part of his homosexual harem with other guys he met. Looking back on it, it was horrible how us guys who barely knew each other, would engage in sexual activity with one another at one time. Needless to say, I no longer associate with that man or the group...

I have a few regrets. I regret thinking that having sex with someone meant that someone truly cared for me, I regret using online dating sites in an attempt to find love and companionship, and I regret that I didn't have the common sense to know that I was being used. I do not, however, coming out and living my truth and I don't regret holding off on sexual activity for a while. I realize that having Asperger's Syndrome makes it difficult for me to navigate through romantic or sexual situations. With that being said, I am focusing on the betterment of ME! Just because I am gay, does not mean that I am a piece of meat or a boy toy.