What Pulse Means to Me: One Year Later

Life, as we all know, is a precious and fragile gift. Tomorrow is never promised to anyone. For me, June 12, 2016 started off as a normal day and it ended in heartbreak and confusion. I was working as a dishwasher and a cashier at the Campbell-Stone North Apartments in Sandy Springs, Georgia. Little did I know, nearly 456 miles south of where I was located, carnage and tragedy ensued. The Pulse nightclub on 1912 South Orange Avenue in Orlando, Florida was supposed to be a haven for the LGBTQ community and its allies. It was supposed to be a place for people to congregate and dance in peace. Sadly, in the two o'clock hour early that morning, it would become the place of the deadliest mass shooting in American history. 49 people were killed and 58 people were injured in a vicious act of hate and terrorism...

It is difficult to put into words how I feel about the Pulse massacre. Even now, on the eve of its one-year anniversary, words are not adequate enough to describe the pain I have in my heart for the innocent victims, survivors, and their families. I ask myself, "Why did this have to happen?" The truth is, no one but God knows the answer. I can tell you that as a gay man, the events of June 12, 2016 left a scar on my soul and put in me the fear that the same thing could happen to me. That ever-present fear will probably never go away. Each time I went out to a gay-friendly establishment like Bulldogs of Midtown Atlanta, GA or the Monster Bar of Manhattan in New York City since the massacre, the thought of a crazed gunman coming in and shooting at the crowd of people never left my mind. That may be abnormal to some people, but for me, it is, unfortunately, a new normal. I hope and pray that I will find the peace that will ultimately dissipate those thoughts.

For the victims of that heinous crime, my tears won't stop flowing. I didn't know any of them personally, but I do know that we all shared the commonality of believing that love is love and that it transcends sexual orientation. As I think about Pulse itself, I think of more than just a nightclub or a memorial site. Pulse means that despite death and desolation, life is still worth living. Pulse means that in a tragic loss, there is a chance for new beginnings. Pulse means that as we honor and remember those who were lost, we can prepare ourselves to gain a rebirth of strength and PRIDE. That is my fervent prayer for all of us who were and still are affected, both directly and indirectly.

In Memoriam...

• Stanley Almodovar III, age 23
• Amanda Alvear, 25
• Oscar A. Aracena-Montero, 26
• Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33
• Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21
• Martin Benitez Torres, 33
• Antonio D. Brown, 30
• Darryl R. Burt II, 29
• Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, 24
• Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28
• Simon A. Carrillo Fernandez, 31
• Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25
• Luis D. Conde, 39
• Cory J. Connell, 21
• Tevin E. Crosby, 25
• Franky J. Dejesus Velazquez, 50
• Deonka D. Drayton, 32
• Mercedez M. Flores, 26
• Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22
• Juan R. Guerrero, 22
• Paul T. Henry, 41
• Frank Hernandez, 27
• Miguel A. Honorato, 30
• Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40
• Jason B. Josaphat, 19
• Eddie J. Justice, 30
• Anthony L. Laureano Disla, 25
• Christopher A. Leinonen, 32
• Brenda L. Marquez McCool, 49
• Jean C. Mendez Perez, 35
• Akyra Monet Murray, 18
• Kimberly Morris, 37
• Jean C. Nieves Rodriguez, 27
• Luis O. Ocasio-Capo, 20
• Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25
• Eric I. Ortiz-Rivera, 36
• Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32
• Enrique L. Rios Jr., 25
• Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37
• Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24
• Christopher J. Sanfeliz, 24
• Xavier E. Serrano Rosado, 35
• Gilberto R. Silva Menendez, 25
• Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34
• Shane E. Tomlinson, 33
• Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25
• Luis S. Vielma, 22
• Luis D. Wilson-Leon, 37
• Jerald A. Wright, 31

The Chocolate Aspie's Rejuvenation

Hello everyone! I know what you all are thinking: "The Chocolate Aspie must be finished blogging for good." Well, after months of inactivity and personal changes, I decided that it was high time for me to stop neglecting my creation and start putting a lot more time and energy in it. With all of the controversial events that took place in the world last year, I admit that I missed out on plenty of opportunities to blog. I sincerely regret that, but now, it is time to make amends for that. I vow that you all will see and hear more from me in the coming days! Thank you for the support that you have given me!

Asperger's Syndrome: Myths And Truths

Earlier today, I discovered this interesting article from http://www.bbc.com/ entitled "Lesser-Known Things About Asperger's Syndrome," by Robyn Steward. In my opinion, this article definitely pinpoints what is true and what is mythologized about Aspergers. If you want to read it for yourself, just click on the link below. I would love for you all to post your opinions about it, whether your reviews are positive or negative. Remember, although commentary is welcome on my blog site, try your best to disagree without being disagreeable!

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-ouch-28746359

The Chocolate Aspie's Question Of The Day #13

Question #13:

To my fellow Aspies, how do you display pride in your exceptionality/exceptionalities?

The Chocolate Aspie's Question Of The Day #7

Question #7:

To my fellow Aspies, what are some of your repetitive behaviors/patterns?

The Chocolate Aspie's Question Of The Day #6

Question #6:

How do you feel about the Vatican's first-ever conference on autism?

Out Of The Loop: The Chocolate Aspie's Diagnosis, Part Three (Final)

In March 1997, as recommended by Shiela Cannon, M.D. of the Atlanta Area Psychological Associates, P.C., an attempt was made to test me for an attention deficit disorder. Two different instruments (the IVA and TOVA, which were successfully used with other four-year-olds) were used in an attempt to evaluate me; Both attempts failed. According to the examiner, I was unable to understand and follow directions on the IVA. On the TOVA, I became frustrated, refused to continue, and started kicking my feet and making mean faces and growling noises. I was noted to be hyperactive and I exhibited poor impulse control, and no sense of boundary (For example, I was apt to touch, feel, and hug Dr. Cannon). I was also noted wanting excessive closeness, as I attempted to climb into the doctor's lap and sought a great deal of physical contact from her, my mother, and my grandmother. By the latter part of March, my mother and grandmother took me to another doctor, Patricia Allen Brown, PhD. of the Atlanta Area Psychological Associates, P.C., in another attempt to officially diagnose me. I was taken back to her on April 8, 1997 for a second appointment.

Monday, April 21, 1997: A letter arrived for my mother from Dr. Allen Brown, with news that would change my and household's lives forever. It was an official diagnosis, the answer my mother and grandmother had been searching for since I started Pre-K. In the words of Dr. Allen Brown's report, "It is my opinion that Fredrick's developmental pattern and behavioral manifestations most closely resemble a mild to moderate form of Asperger's Disorder... Fredrick has qualitative impairments in social interactions in his lack of social and emotional reciprocity, and his inability to use nonverbal behaviors to regulate social interactions. Further, he has a preoccupation with cars that is abnormal in both intensity and focus, and he has significant impairments in educational areas of functioning." My mother and grandmother stated in the first meeting with Dr. Allen Brown that I had an inability to empathize with others, given that I was so affectionate; The doctors noted that as well (Cruel irony, isn't it). While I was told that I had Asperger's Syndrome, my minuscule four-year-old mind could not comprehend how this would impact my life... Monday, April 21, 1997 was the beginning of a complex, painful, and continuous journey. It is a journey that is presently shaping me into becoming a better and stronger person. Without pressure, there cannot be a diamond.

Out Of The Loop: The Chocolate Aspie's Diagnosis, Part Two

Shortly before withdrawing from Oak Knoll, at the request of Lynne Sullivan (an Instructional Support Teacher), I was referred for a developmental evaluation in October 1996. She referred me because of possible developmental delays, specifically in the area of personal-social skills. After taking the Battelle Developmental Inventory, the Burks' Behavior Rating Scales, and the Connor's Rating Scales, it was determined that I was functioning below my chronological age in all areas of development. According to my teacher, Ms. Budd, I had difficulty following the class routine and structure, I talked out loud in class, I was too "touchy-feely," I was unable to follow class rules and directions, I demanded adult attention, I needed reminders to cooperate, take turns, and share, and I was generally non-compliant.

A month later, I was seen for a speech and language evaluation in conjunction with a Special Needs Preschool referral. The evaluation results indicated scattered language skills. I exhibited a moderate receptive language delay with specific weaknesses in the comprehension of basic concepts, syntax, and morphology. Additionally, I exhibited a mild expressive language delay. My expressive vocabulary skills appeared to be fairly well developed, though I had difficulty maintaining a given topic of reference. Based on those test results, Speech Impaired Services were warranted. By the time January 1997 came along, I was officially withdrawn from Oak Knoll Elementary School, and my mother and grandmother requested a comprehensive Preschool Team evaluation from the present-day Marcus Autism Center. They were extremely concerned about possible developmental delays and behavioral problems since I had recently been evaluated by the Fulton County School System and deemed eligible for special needs preschool services. Marcus used a neurodevelopmental evaluation, a physical examination, developmental history, Early Screening Profiles (one a Cognitive/Language Profile, the other a Self-help/Social Profile Questionnaire), a Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL), a clinical interview with my mother and grandmother, an informal behavior observation, a review of records, and finally, a clinical interview with the family. Marcus determined the following:

With expressive language, I was able to tell stories, say my full name, identify colors, state my address, count to 10, and recite the days of the week.

With receptive language, I had difficulty with multi-step commands and more complex prepositions.

With gross motor skills, I could ascend and descend stairs reciprocally, but I had difficulty peddling a tricycle.

With fine motor skills, I was thought to have a right hand preference, although sometimes I used my left hand. I was described as having an emerging pencil grasp.

With adaptive skills, I was able to use a fork, able to dress and undress myself with some support, and I was toilet trained. I did, however, have nocturnal enuresis.

With all of those procedures being done, and all of Marcus' findings, a diagnosis was unclear for me...

Why I Created The Chocolate Aspie

This post was published in LinkedIn, and it describes why I decided to create this blog site. I hope this gives people a clear insight on the purpose of The Chocolate Aspie and why it is so necessary.

Why I Created The Chocolate Aspie (LinkedIn)

Welcome To Facebook!

Good evening everyone! I am happy to announce The Chocolate Aspie's debut on Facebook! Please, visit the page and like it today! I would be so grateful if you did!

The Chocolate Aspie Facebook Page

Fredrick Bishop

Welcome to Google Plus!

Attention everyone! The Chocolate Aspie is now on Google Plus (Google+)! I hope you will check out the page and gladly follow it! By the way, more social media pages from The Chocolate Aspie are coming soon, so be on the lookout! I thank each and every one of you who have supported this blog site so far! My goal is for this blog site to have a positive international impact, especially for Black LGBT Aspies. Please continue to visit the blog site and to also spread the word about this endeavor!

The Chocolate Aspie on Google+

Fredrick Bishop

Out Of The Loop: The Chocolate Aspie's Diagnosis, Part One

When someone is born, that person doesn't get to choose his/her skin color, nationality, gender, eye color, or other genetic features. That person also doesn't get to choose how their minds function neurologically. I am sure that if my mother had her way, she would have given me a mind void of any mental and neurological issues. She would have given me a life void of ridicule and rejection... Well, that's not how my life turned out. No parent ever thinks that his/her child will develop a form of autism, and no amount of intestinal fortitude in the world will ever prepare a parent for the moment of impact, when he/she discovers that his/her child is autistic. I think I can speak for my mother when I say, you can never prepare yourself for that hurt.

From the moment I was born on Tuesday, July 14, 1992, I was the apple of my mother and late maternal grandparents' eyes. Growing up in the suburbs of East Point, GA, my world consisted of my mom, Joycene, and her parents, George and Mattie. I was a bright eyed, inquisitive, and intelligent little boy, and I enjoyed my household and the adventures in my backyard, playing with pine cones and digging for earthworms. I also loved cars, from small matchbox cars to big Tonka trucks. I would always line the cars up in various parts of the house, as if they were a part of a mini parking lot or funeral motorcade. I was able to properly identify any model of car that I saw driving on the highways. That fueled my desire to collect as many matchbox cars as I could (My mother still has my massive car collection to this very day). As a witness to this, my dearly departed grandmother thought that she was laying eyes on a bona fide genius with no mental flaws. Little did the family know, that was a veil that covered an earth shattering truth. 

Because I was the proclaimed "little genius," school should not have been a major issue for me. The soon-to-be former Oak Knoll Elementary School of East Point, GA was the beginning of my academic journey in 1996. I was one of about 25 students in Ms. Budd and Ms. Clinkscales' class. Our days consisted of  lessons, story time, nap time, recess, and lunch. For me, however, part of the days consisted of crawling under the desks while all of my other classmates would be sitting in a semicircle, attentive to the story being read by Ms. Budd. My mind was completely unfocused from the story, as I continued my adventure crawling under each desk. I did not intend to be a distraction to my peers, nor I did not intend to disrespect my teachers, but this was the way it was perceived. Ms. Budd eventually went to her superior to inform her of my behavior; The superior then contacted my mother and allowed her watch one of my adventures through a one way mirror. For the first time in motherhood, Mom felt completely helpless and heartbroken. She immediately contacted my grandmother, who was a retired educator and assistant principal, to ask for her professional and personal advice. My grandmother had only one option: Immediate withdrawal from Oak Knoll. From there, they would brainstorm the next steps...

What Is Asperger's Syndrome?

DISCLAIMER: For those who already know about Asperger's Syndrome, you can skip this post!

Asperger's Syndrome (AS) is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), one of a distinct group of complex neurodevelopment disorders characterized by social impairment, communication difficulties, and restrictive, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior.

Asperger's Syndrome include:

Problems with social skills: Children with Asperger's Syndrome generally have difficulty interacting with others and are often awkward in social situations. They generally do not make friends easily. They have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversation.

Eccentric or repetitive behaviors: Children with this condition may develop odd, repetitive movements, such as hand wringing or finger twisting.

Unusual preoccupations or rituals: A child with Asperger's Syndrome may develop rituals that he or she refuses to alter, such as getting dressed in a specific order.

Communication difficulties: People with Asperger's Syndrome may not make eye contact when speaking with someone. They may have trouble using facial expressions and gestures, and understanding body language. They also tend to have problems understanding language in content and are very literal in their use of language.

Limited range of interests: A child with Asperger's Syndrome may develop an intense, almost obsessive, interest in a few areas such as sports schedules, weather, or maps.

Coordination problems: The movements of children with Asperger's Syndrome may seem clumsy or awkward.

Skilled or talented: Many children with Asperger's Syndrome are exceptionally talented or skilled in a particular area, such as music or math.

T.C.A. Q&A and Aspie Advice

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns for The Chocolate Aspie (T.C.A.), fill free to post them in this section. I will respond back in a timely fashion! You can ask me anything relating to my life, my blog site, your lives, or any problems you are dealing with. Remember, "That's What Friends Are For!"

Who Is The Chocolate Aspie?

He is the UNAPOLOGETIC and UNFILTERED voice of a Black gay man with Asperger's Syndrome, a social disorder and a high functioning form of autism. For the past 18 years, he has been growing and learning about life, dealing with its many challenges as an Aspie. Though the journey has been rough and filled with rejection, mental/emotional anguish, and social awkwardness, he has risen from the negativity to boldly tell his story, to become a staunch supporter of individuals in his situation, and to become an advocate of autism awareness. This blog site is meant to be an anchor of healing for him and an ever present safe haven for Black LGBT Aspies everywhere!

DISCLAIMER: This blog site is intended for mature audiences only (18+). Also, the content from The Chocolate Aspie (Fredrick L. Bishop) should not be used/relied on for medical or legal matters. While he endeavors to keep the information up to date and correct, he makes no representations or warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability, or availability with respect to the blog site or the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on the blog site for any purpose. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk.